I know it's been a while. Life has started to really suck for me on some parts where on others life is great.

I have friends and family who really love me. I have two beautiful kittens now. I have my own place with a boyfriend who adores me.

But on the career side of things... I hate my job. I want to quit so bad it hurts. My boss is nuts and I'm cut off from everyone I know who had any ability to help me out. I feel like I got shoved behind the backburner. In fact I fell behind the damn stove. It takes me one to two hours to get to the store they transferred me to. One to TWO hours. I still don't make enough to even be able to afford a car. I don't know what to do. I'm so stuck. I need help and I don't know where to go to get it. I'm lost and alone in a job market that can afford to be picky. I need a break. I need the ice to crack, I'm drowning in a pool of self hate right now. I can't do anything right. My boss loves to remind me of that every day. The thing is she isn't intentionally mean. She's just brash. I need help. I need prayers. I need about a month off.

Just give me a sign. Give me hope. Just send me one person who can give me a hand up. Please god. I'm begging.

Sending out this plea, this prayer, in hopes of...anything.

::shifts::

Ahem... ::light cough::

Oh well hi there! Yeah... I know. Tell me about it right?

So... an update... At almost 3am.

I'm getting a promotion. Key holder. Haha. Sweet. (Let me pause a moment to reflect on the fact that I work at a chocolate store and just called my promotion sweet.... He...)

You all know my aunt moved to AZ, and my cousin was moving to Mexico... Well my cousin came back, and then she'll be moving to AZ too...

My grandma is moving to OKC. She lost her house to foreclosure. ONE missed payment. That's all it took. I don't want to get into why we couldn't fight it, it's long and complicated and frankly, I went to the auction of her things Sunday, and I just don't have the heart.

My youngest cousin is moving with her, as well as my "uncle" and "cousins" one of which is my autistic cousin. They'll be living with my uncle. We're having a debate as to whether or not my uncle knows he's having more than his mother move in. Somehow I doubt he knows yet.

So... Yet again, here I am, all alone, no family. It's once again, my and my parents and that's it.

Will and I are looking at apts. Found a nice place just south of Minneapolis that has promise. Easy commute for both of us. He's still at his place in St Paul, I'm still rooming in my folks basement.

I managed to get my evil assistant manager fired. We ALL celebrated that one.

I scored 100% on my first secret shop. I know. I rock lol

I feel drained lately. Like I'm just coasting, going through the motions.

Music doesn't move me, books are just words on a page, my friends aren't even enough lately to get me in good spirits. And my mini me is almost always capable of getting me uplifted. She always does that. I wish her and I worked together more often, I adore her so much.

I only have a five hour shift tomorrow. And I work with a girl (key holder) that I don't particularly like.

We have a guy from our insurance company coming by the house in the morning. Our roof is leaking.

I dug up a bunch of my grandma's plants. I refused to leave a lot of it. Mom's going to be planting it in the backyard tomorrow.

My kitty has gotten so big. He's so ornery lol He and the dog wrestle like mad in the floor almost every night.

My mice are getting old... I keep worrying about them.

My pup isn't a pup anymore and I'm having a hard time accepting he's a senior citizen now... Arthritis in his hips... Sigh... I'm going to have to put him on a new diet for that...

I think I'm going to get to bed. I see SOME of you have found me on a certain other website... Ahem lol If you have my email feel free to add me. It's under my legit name so don't freak out lol

I miss you guys. A lot.

How is it that in the season of giving I'm finding myself not only stunned by selfish behavoir, but by others being genuinely surprised by what I consider common courtesy?

Let me review...

Last week we had a lady come in and buy a large amount of one of our products. She already had a lot of bags, there were two other people in the store, so I offered to help her carry out her bags. She protested, but it was obvious that there was no way she was going to be able to carry everything she had already bought and this box of product. So I insisted, she relented, I got my coat and off we went...

Now for those of you that don't know, the Mall of America is a mile around. (If you walk from one entrance all the way back around to that same entrance you will have walked a mile, get it?) This lady was parked on the opposite side of the mall... On the farthest edge of the parking ramp.

She apologized about 50,000 times for having me come out there with her.

I said it was nothing, part of the job, I'm used to walking the mall etc....

We finally get her bags loaded, the woman has been nothing but kind, and out of no where she hands me a ten dollar bill.

Now it's MY turn to protest. I told her, please, no really, it's ok, it's my job, etc. She won't take no for an answer. I thank her, wish her a merry Christmas and start my way back.

Did I mention it was like 7 degrees outside that day?

So I'm getting ready to walk back into the mall and I hear my favorite bell ringer singing and wishing merry Christmases all around. A light goes off.

Here I'd been feeling bad about not being able to give much this year, feeling selfish myself. Despite how I'd spent many times waiting for my ride home talking to one of the bell ringers about how I couldn't understand how so many people can come out with so many bags on their arms yet one out of maybe every 30 to 50 people actually put ANYTHING in the bucket.

I walked up to this joyous bell ringer, said, "You know I just got a tip for walking this lady to her car, carrying a box for her, and honestly... Don't feel like I deserve it. I was just doing my job. I don't deserve it, but you do, out here every day singing and wishing people a merry Christmas." And with that I slipped the bill into the bucket.

I swear to god I think the man was about to cry. He gave me this big hug, called me the sweetest person and wished me a great day.

Ten dollars and I almost had a man in tears.

Let's really think about this for a moment. How much IS ten dollars to most of us? How much is it to the people that have a steady job, can live comfortably from that job? Maybe we don't have all the little luxuries, but ten dollars, really, it's not that much is it?

But with such a small act, I made someone's day. Honestly, now I'M starting to cry lol

I can't help but be in awe of the selfishness that people are accustom to. Why are we so tolerant of that kind of behavoir?

And that's not all... I have SEVERAL more stories to tell you about...

Two weeks ago my mom got a call, a man had a pilot out in his fireplace, mom happily offered to walk him through relighting it in order to save him the charge for a service call.

The man then quietly said, "You see ma'am, the problem is, I can't see..."

Mom said, "Oh... I understand. Well, it's (price) for a service call. I can have someone out there right away."

The man sighed and said, "I can't really afford that. I couldn't afford (price and company)'s price either." (They charge a good $50 less than we do.)

Mom thought for a minute and said, "Okay, let me see what I can do. I'll find something."

She kept his info on the desk until my dad got in. Dad saw the paper and asked what it was about. She told him he needed his pilot lit but couldn't afford the service call fee.

Dad, being my dad lol, made a smartass remark to which my mom replied, "Honey... he's blind."

My dad looked up at her and without a moments hesitation said, "Call him, I'll go do it right now. Tell him not to worry about the fee."

THESE are the people I was raised by. THESE are the people I am proud to call my parents.

But wait, I'm still not done.

We have a man working for us, named Jim. He went out to do a service call for a lady in a wheel chair. This honestly, is the most heartbreaking story I have. I cried when mom told me what happened.

Jim went to go fix her glass on her fireplace. It had fallen out and her being in a wheel chair, she couldn't put it back in. Instead she had duct taped plastic over the front to keep the cold from coming in. It upset Jim to see that no one had come over to help her. Jim's just that kind of man.

So he fixed the glass, went into the kitchen to wash up and saw two wheel chairs in the kitchen, torn apart. He looked at the lady and asked, "Um... Is there anything I can do to help with those?"

She shook her head, "No, no... The wheel on that one is over $1,000, and the other is just useless now..."

One of the chairs was blocking the door to the garage.

"Well, how about I move that one so you can at least get into the garage?"

"Oh... Oh would you mind? I don't want to put you out..."

"No trouble, really."

"Well... since you're here... Would you mind taking a look at the water heater as well? I haven't had any hot water since the fireplace went out."

Now, what had happened was this. Instead of turning off the gas at the fireplace, she had turned it off to the entire house. Over a week ago. She had shut off her water heater without knowing.

Jim lit the heater, and got her fireplace back in working order. He was very upset that this woman had no one checking on her, no one caring about whether or not she could get through a door or had hot water. No one to do something as simple as put glass back in a fireplace.

He asked my mom how long she thought it'd been since that lady felt like she COULD ask for help. What had to have happened to have beaten her down to the point that asking for a simple favor was out of the question?

This is the man that has worked for my parents for years and years. This is a man we consider a friend, a man that feels more like an uncle to me.

And one more stories, I swear this one is quick.

I had gotten off work earlier this week and mom was sick. She picked me up from work and I told her to stop by Walgreens, I could run in real quick and get her something. I picked up some Nyquil, Zicam, something to drink. As I made my way back over to the check out, three steps ahead of me a lady knocked over a container of kids novelty pencils.

She bent over to start picking them up the clerk told her not to bother, he'd get them in a minute. She said, "No, no, I knocked them over, I'll pick them up."

There were probably 50 pencils scattered on the floor.

I set my stuff on the floor and bent down to help her pick them up.

She looked up completely startled and said, "Oh! Well thank you!"

I gave her a big smile and said, "No problem."

She asked me if I worked there, I shook my head and said no, laughing a little.

Then she stopped for a moment and stared at me, "You mean, you're just a customer and you're helping me?"

"Well... Yeah. I was right here, no reason not to."

"Well!" She smiled really big. "You know, I think I'm going to do something nice for someone today too! Pass it on and all that!"

I laughed a little, "Pay it forward, yeah. Well, it is the holidays."

I picked up the last few pencils and put them back.

What stunned me about this, was her reaction. Her being stunned that another person would try to help just to help. And the reaction of "I think I'm going to do something nice for someone" was a little weird to me.

Why not do something nice just because you can? Just because you're there?

Why need a reason, a pay it forward?

Why not just do something nice, just to be nice?

So to moral of these stories is this...

Do good where you can, love everyone before they give you a chance to hate them, and always, always go that little extra for anyone you can.

Maybe it doesn't seem like much, but next to nothing is still more than nothing.

Did you witness a kindness lately? Maybe preformed one yourself? Let me know, I'd love to know the season of giving isn't selfish after all.

Merry Christmas!

Have you seen him?

I promised to help, so I am as best I can. I've had my baby since the day he was born, I can't imagine losing him. He's my child.

Please, please, pass this on. I don't usually ask for these things, you know that, but this is important to me. Please.

So, I guess you all know about Franken... And the recount. ::sigh::

I mean, I really really dislike Franken. Mostly because he's a sexist pig. I don't think anyone that rude and vulgar should be elected to office. But honestly... How stupid can a state get? Did we already forget the absolute DISASTER of Ventura. (And his infamous quote of, "You've never hunted until you've hunted man." Or, "Religion is for those with a weak mind"?)

I guess it's just that I remember when I was a little kid, and I dreamed that one day I could be the first female president. I mean, these people were like superheroes. They changed the world, they made things better, or worse with the flick of a pen on paper.

Is it wrong of me to want someone in office who is truly passionate about this country, about fairness, common sense, protecting our fellow man, being kind and stern and respectable?

I'm tired of politicians that act like spoiled children.

I'm tired of mud slinging and finger pointing. Admittedly it's always been part of politics but wasn't there a time, not that long ago that someone had to get elected by their OWN merit?

When groups like ACORN would have been arrested en masse? Whatever happened to treason? When did treason start being something protected under free speech? It makes me sick to see people destroying the rules, shattering them across our country like a glass on a tile kitchen floor.

For those of you that don't know, ACORN is a VERY large organization here in Minnesota. And for those of you that also don't know, no instance of voter fraud was reported here... Am I the ONLY one that finds that, oh, I don't know, a little odd? And don't bother trying to find anything on it... It was only reported once on the news and I was lucky enough to see it. It's not on any website. I tried finding it for over an hour. You seriously can't find that statement anywhere, or a correction if it was indeed a mistake. Again, little odd?

Perhaps the Democratic party finds this justifiable because the Republican party "stole" two elections. Apparently winning is cheating. And anyone that says that a party isn't aware when something like this is going on, is completely daft.

And FYI I'm not a Republican. I'm not a Democrat. I don't class myself as Independent or a Libertarian (although I'm probably closer to Libertarian than either major party). I try very hard not to label myself or be forced into a situation where I have to. But it happens quite often.

I'm just having a particularly hard time this election. And no, it's not because Obama was elected, I'm not happy about that, but there's always next time. He was elected, I can't get mad that my country had its' say. That's the way things are supposed to be. I wasn't thrilled about McCain and he definitely shot himself in the foot many times. It's his fault he lost the election, it's the party's fault they nominated a man that was perhaps too well known, and not for the best of reasons. I mean, I personally have nothing wrong with Palin but she was NOT a good choice for this election. Not at all. I think being a Republican woman is particularly difficult, especially with the media focus.

I thought for a time that I would vote for Obama, but I got to know the man and his policies and I didn't like what I learned. Apparently the country disagreed with me lol We'll see what happens. I hope he's a good president but I have many many reservations.

Anyway, this isn't about the presidential election.

My beef is with who's going to be my senator.

I just feel at a complete lost. Here, one of my dearest friends, a passionate feminist, voted for Al Franken. I asked her if she'd lost her mind. I brought up all the things he's said about women, gays, marriage and religion. And all she said was, "Well, no I don't like that..." So WHY did you vote for him? "Because..."

She couldn't answer, and the simple fact is, she voted for him because he's a Democrat, and she's a member of the DFL.

There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, I detest more than voting party lines just "because." Half the people I know swear they're true blue Dems, but when we talk about policies and what they want for this country, they're voting AGAINST everything they want. They think Conservative yet vote Liberal, because they've never taken the time to educate themselves on which members of the parties vote for and against what.

It makes me insane to hear people, both left and right, talk about who they voted for yet have no explanation as to why they did so. There needs to be a pretest for voting. If you don't know where the candidates stand you have to sit through an unbiased video letting you know where the candidates say they stand on issues, and where they have voted.

I also happen to think there should be a limit on funding for elections. Want to see the commercials go down by a ridiculous amount next election? Give the candidates a budget they have to adhere to, whether it's public OR private funding. I know a public funding limit is already in place, but there ought to be one on private too. It shouldn't be a case of who's candidate is richer wins. Of course there would have to be a system in place to figure out the budget for each election, it couldn't just be a standard number, inflation wouldn't allow that to work.

Sigh. I would love a nice simple black and white set of rules. No putting gum in hair, no name calling, and I swear to god if you poke him one more time I'm pulling the car over and getting the fly swatter. That sort of thing.

And I think you should have to be registered voted one month before a presidential election. Not like here where we have same day registration. That's just BS.

Sorry everyone, I'm just majorly pissed at many of my fellow Minnesotans/Americans for their lack of knowledge they so willfully employed during this year.

With that said... I'm very very proud at the turn out. For the first time in a long time, it feels like people cared. Sadly not so much about WHO they voted for, but at least for the act of voting itself. For that I am immensely proud.

I guess living in a state with one of the nastiest Senatorial elections in history made me a little bitter this year.

And for those out there that insist on arguing with me over the definitions... (None of which read this blog but by god I need to put it out here.)

Main Entry: con·ser·va·tism
Pronunciation: \kən-ˈsər-və-ˌti-zəm\
Function: noun
Date: 1832

1 capitalized a: the principles and policies of a Conservative party b: the Conservative party

2 a: disposition in politics to preserve what is established b: a political philosophy based on tradition and social stability, stressing established institutions, and preferring gradual development to abrupt change ; specifically : such a philosophy calling for lower taxes, limited government regulation of business and investing, a strong national defense, and individual financial responsibility for personal needs (as retirement income or health-care coverage)

3: the tendency to prefer an existing or traditional situation to change

And...

Main Entry: Democratic–Republican
Function: adjective
Date: 1818

: of or relating to a major American political party of the early 19th century favoring a strict interpretation of the Constitution to restrict the powers of the federal government and emphasizing states' rights

And...

Main Entry: lib·er·tar·i·an
Pronunciation: \ˌli-bər-ˈter-ē-ən, -ˈte-rē-\
Function: noun
Date: 1789

1: an advocate of the doctrine of free will

2 a: a person who upholds the principles of individual liberty especially of thought and action b capitalized : a member of a political party advocating libertarian principles

And...

Main Entry: 2independent
Function: noun
Date: 1644

1 capitalized : a sectarian of an English religious movement for congregational autonomy originating in the late 16th century, giving rise to Congregationalists, Baptists, and Friends, and forming one of the major political groupings of the period of Cromwell

2: one that is independent ; especially often capitalized : one that is not bound by or definitively committed to a political party

Rant is over. Continue with your lives. Thanks to those of you that voting knowing your candidates voting history and stance on current issues not yet up to vote.

Snow. It snowed. Dear god get me out of here.

And for your pleasure...

Let's see.

In the last three and a half months I, got a job, lost all communication with everyone and thing I care about, nearly wrecked my relationship with Will, and my parents, got paid barely above minimum wage, worked 56 hrs a week for a psycho bitch, then after "peek season" got my hrs cut back to barely 28 a week, moved my blog from AOL to blogger (the old blog), figured out I couldn't pay my bills on that wage/hr ratio, got insulted by the boss, in the middle of the store, with customers there, even though me and the girl also insulted are/were the hardest two workers there, quit my job the next day after she posted a letter to the cashier desk where customers could see it telling us all what bad employees we are, had my supervisor quit WITH me the following night, had the assistant manager in training and one of my follow co-workers also put in two week notices and know for a fact that the assistant manager will be quitting shortly, moved my boyfriend into his new apartment, had a guy at Denny's think me and two of my friends were high when in reality we're just three very giggly stupid females.

So. Besides that.

My cousin is leaving for AZ in Jan, with her boyfriend to live near her mom, my other cousin is moving to Costa Rica, and my third cousin is about to get dumped by his girlfriend and the dimwit can't even see it coming.

I'm going tomorrow morning to see my grandma for the first time in over four months.

I haven't read a book in over three months.

Tonight was the first night in ages I watched a movie just cause I felt like it.

Oh and I think I've got a job working for a Godiva boutique. And I must say boutique because after doing my research on the company, plus my interview, I really have a lot of respect for the product they produce. I should hear back soon though to know for sure. If he doesn't contact me after the end of this week (I had my interview Thur) I'm contacting him.

So... How is everyone ELSE doing? lol