Tuesday, July 1

Welcome Home

You all know about my cat passing away. We've missed him terribly. Not having a lap warmer, a meowing greeting home, has been really difficult.

Mom was looking for a new cat the past few months.

I would like you to all say hello to the newest member of our family.

Charlie Chaplin.

Charlie is 10 wks old, black and white tuxedo. And there has been no feistier kitten born. He attacks everything. Including the pillows on the couch. He braves the dog with hisses and swats. He climbs pant legs. (Until we cut his nails because the backs of all our legs were bleeding lol) He has medium length silky soft hair. He purrs LOUDLY. He's grown a LOT in the last week and a half. Charlie will surely be a large kitty.

Now to other news. Seems a lot of my bloggers are leaving. Quite honestly, I know I'll miss those that have left, either with or without giving reason. I don't read new blogs very often, I have my few favorites and I stick to them. But the tides are changing, and I suppose I'm going to have to start looking for new material to read. I'll miss them, and their comments, but life goes on.

Will and I are adjusting to living together. We bought a love seat and put his big tv downstairs so we have something decent to watch on. The last few days we went into the cities, exploring the bus and train system. It's nice to wake up to him every day, but sleep is still something I'm adjusting to. He had weird sleeping habits and there are nights it's pretty tough on me lol

I'm missing my friends. Seems like everyone is so busy, including me.

It's that time isn't it? I can almost smell it in the air. Life is changing, the world is changing. Everyone around me is going through something, dealing with an issue, etc. No one has time to talk, no one has anything to talk about, yet their lives are full to the brim every day.

It makes me sad. I feel like I've lost so many connections in the last six months.

You know what it's like when you ask someone how they're doing, and you mean it sincerely, but they give you the "you don't really mean it" answer of "oh I'm fine" or "things are good" etc? That feeling you get in your stomach? It's almost like getting kicked. You got shut out in a three word sentence. Feels like that's happening a lot to me lately. I ask a sincere question and instead I get a kick in the gut.

I'm happy. I really am. But I feel like something deep is missing. Some connection with the outer world has failed me.

The move was tough on me. I packed the whole apartment in two weeks. The movers were assholes. It took forever for things to get here. Meeting his parents made me sick with nerves. By the end of it I just wanted to sit and cry. I was exhausted.

Some part of me still feels exhausted. And I don't know why.

This is longer than anyone will read I know. But yet I write. Some vain self satisfaction comes from writing this, and even if no one else gives a shit, I'm writing it. I will write out my heart, and who cares if the world takes a match to it?

I think I'm losing hope in humanity.

4 Comments:

Blogger Chet Of The Undead said...

Charlie Chaplin is a fantabulous name for a kitty cat! ;)

1/7/08 10:43 PM  
Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

Don't lose hope...there's lots of goodness and fun to be had out there. Sheesh, Lily, I'm older than dirt, and I still know that...

And WELCOME BACK!

:)

Judi

2/7/08 9:00 PM  
Blogger erarein63 said...

I know...me too somewhat. I've severely narrowed the group that can read my journal because David was reading it and keeping up with me so I always had to be guarded on what I say. So very limited responses lately, but yet I continue on here and there.
I've also been burying my head in the sand trying to ignore the world while I am concentrating on making money and making David pay child support ("I'd rather sit in jail than give you a dime!").
I'm glad to see you and Will are settling in together. How long before you move out on your own? What was Will's major and what kind of job is he looking for?
Hang in there girl...I'm still there thinking about you and popping in from time to time when Hannah isn't around to hog the puter. She got one from my step-dad, but we can't make it connect to the internet. Hopefully by the time she gets back from TX it will be working.
Happy 4th!
Love ya, De :)

3/7/08 1:04 AM  
Blogger Wil said...

Lily, Charlie looks like he'll be a great companion for the P's. He won't be able to replace you or your previous cat` of course. Still, he'll worm his way into their affection, if he doesn't kill them from blood poisoning first. ;)

Being twenty has always been a tough time in recent history. Leaving behind your youth and shouldering your share of adulthood hurts and bewilders most. Fear is a factor we only rarely discuss with children but is a daily companion for an adult. Curt responses protect and many use them, as you noted, for distancing their private life from their public persona - the so-called "masks" adults wear as they go about their daily business.

No joke, you HAVE lost a lot of connections recently - it's part of the weeding out the excess, the peripheral and excess baggage of a previous phase of one's life. So long as you remember that there's only three constants to life: death, taxes and change, you'll survive and thrive.

So, take the time in your private moments to mourn the passing of your childhood-that-never-really-was and celebrate your unique perspective on adulthood. You are a jewel. Get out and glitter brightly.

6/7/08 2:11 PM  

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