I don't remember where I heard it. If someone said it to me, if it was a quote I read, a book, a movie, a journal, and though I've tried to find it, I can't find where it came from. But I once heard someone, somewhere, say, a woman spends all her life in waiting. Waiting to grow into a woman first, then waiting to find "the" man, waiting to get married, waiting for a child, waiting to be noticed, waiting for something great to happen, waiting, waiting, waiting their lives away. Waiting for their life to start.

I remember how true it struck me as.

I've done that a lot. I've waited. I've waited years of life away. Not much when you really think about it, but if that's not much, then how much does a day mean? Or an hour? Or that moment? That moment when it happens. What "it" is is different for everyone. But what if that moment, hadn't happened? What if you simply lost that moment? How different would you be? Would you even be alive? Would you have married that person, or had that child, or gone to that party, or crashed that car, or said that word, or cried those tears, or kissed them then, or laughed like that? What if you had waited? What if you hadn't?

One moment. Boom. Gone.

Now who are you?

What's changed?

I'd spent so much time waiting. When I was little I waited to be older. When I got older, I waited for a boy. But I never found that boy. I never got what I waited for, only a lot of disappointment. So I kept waiting.

And then, there's that moment.

That defining moment. The moment where good men do bad things and bad men discover they had some good left in them. The moment when a coward chooses to not be afraid, and a fool chooses to be wise. The moment when a sad man, chooses a life of happiness.

THAT moment. That life changing moment. The one that when you hear me say it, that moment flutters up from your memory. That one, right there, the one you're thinking right now. It's the essence of that moment.

The moment you chose for it to change.

I was sitting there, just talking to him. Just laughing. Just remembering that every time I talked to him I got a huge smile on my face. Just knowing that when I thought about him I felt my heart flutter. And I said it. I said I loved him. I didn't wait.

I didn't wait to be called beautiful.

I didn't wait to be offered love.

I didn't wait for my life to change.

I made it change.

He didn't say it back, I was alright with that. I'd already made the change, I couldn't force my fate any more. And there it is. Waiting. Again.

But this waiting was different. I wasn't waiting for someone else to make the change, I had already started it. I had already forced the road in another direction.

I know why I waited after though, because he had to chose too. He had to make the choice I had made. I chose to love. I chose to be hurt. I chose to cry and laugh. I chose my change.

He made me stop waiting. I've changed so much since him. I've grown so much. I've completely changed to everyone around me. But I know the only thing that's changed is that I've become bolder. More confident. That I've learned to be comfortable in my own skin. That's a really priceless gift.

I wonder if he knows all this. How much good he's done me. That it's one of the reasons I love him so much. I hope he'll know now.