Ha, NOW the men read my blog... Thanks gentlemen, now I know what to write about lol (I shall let my regular male readers comment on this post without scrutiny... the rest of you... leave now or forever part with your favorite part...)

It wasn't until the last couple of years that I realized JUST how hard it is to find clothing... If you have boobs that is.

See the thing is, this nineteen year old has a pretty nice shape. Damn proud of the fact I'm not skinny but I've got a nicely defined waist lol

But this is about my boobs. The thing that turns every shirt and blouse into a straight jacket. Seriously.

Lately finding shirts that properly fit has become an out and out nightmare. Plus size clothing is way too big around my waist, large and extra-large doesn't fit my boobs. I'm screwed. I'm in some awkward weight clothing boobage limbo.

I'm getting the Karen Walker syndrome. (Not the designer folks.) The Karen Walker syndrome, or KWOCS (Karen Walker Obvious Cleavage Syndrome), is characterized by the tightening of the shirt around the bust line to the point of developing a PH level of 4 or higher, 1 being modest and unnoticeable, 10 being "that shirt is three sizes too small." (PH: Peep hole; being that nasty gap that happens in button up shirts when it's too tight over the bust line.) My mom and I invented this for our equal love of Karen Walker and our equal dislike in her fashion sense.

KWOCS is killing my closet.

Call me weird, strange, or just old fashioned, but I know my measurements perfectly. (No, you hopeful perverted males, I'm not telling you.) And I do a lot of online shopping. It's like Christmas every day! Okay not really, I don't shop THAT often. But anyway, I've looked a lot at clothing lately, trying to find shops that carry a lot of stuff I like so I can get combined shipping. Actually turns out cheaper than driving to the store, if they provide good measurements anyway.

Tonight I was browsing tops, which I do when I'm bored. I'm so stereotypically female when it comes to shopping it's almost painful. And I was realizing that almost everything didn't match me. Two out of the three measurements would be perfect, then the third would be wildly off.

Why is it that having boobage is such a curse? I mean, since the beginning of time women have been taught by men that boobs aren't just great, they're pretty much everything. Whether they MEAN to make it sound that way or not doesn't matter. The emphasis is always on the boobs. And ass. I'll give the ass it's fair share of fame. So here I am, with boobs, and I can't find a frigging shirt? Huh? Excuse me? Is something SLIGHTLY screwed up here?

But... I think I figured out the master plan... The secret convention that took place with all males... It went something like this... (Prepare for stupidity.)

"So, yet again this year it's voted that breasts are the most attractive body part. Agreed?"

[Bunch of positive hooting and hollering, few grumbles from the ass crowd]

"Alright, now moving on to the next issue... How do we make women expose this part of their body? For suggestions I think we should turn to the dept in charge of women's fashion, Supposedly Straight Males... What do you gentlemen suggest?"

"Plastic clothing! I think I can get Paris Hilton to wear this top I just invented..."

"I beg to differ, Chairman, we tried plastic lingerie, it's now reserved for exotic dancers. As lovely as that is, we haven't achieved the desired results."

[Squirrley little guy raises his hand]

"Yes, you?"

"Erm... What if we make it impossible for them to get clothing?"

"Excuse me? How would you propose that?"

"Um... just make sure nothing fits by creating impossible perfect bodies."

"Forgive me but how does that solve our issue?"

[Squirrely guy snickers slightly, then continues sarcastically]

"Well, sir, eventually women will be so fed up trying to find clothing that properly fits, they'll give up, and go topless at least."

"Dear god man... that's brilliant!"

[Squirrely guy's jaw drops in complete surprise]

"Seriously, sir?"

"Yes! Supposedly Straight Males, get on it right away!"

"Yes, sir!"

Then man said, "Let there be unflattering clothing." And then men created fashion. The catwalk produced stick figures: clothing of straight impossible preportions and it was good. And man saw that it was good.

And woman was in painful shoes and tasteless clothing. Woman was frustrated but continued to wear the fashion man created. Then man created dominatrix shoes, and woman said "Oh fuck you." Man was sad, and it was good.

I was just looking for an excuse to post a picture of those shoes lol

Finishing this a day later and still no more in tune with wtf this entry is about. But after rigorous searching for a plunge halter bra that FITS so I can wear this lovely new blouse I got, I decided, this post must be posted. For frustrated females everywhere.

Yeah, this post makes no sense. That's what happens when I have a computer and I'm up at 2am writing. Deal or don't read it lol