I'm thinking about the thoughts I wrote in the "Five Minutes" below. I'm worried about Will reading a few of the lines that mention him because I'm afraid they'll be misunderstood. The things I said, even though they're short, might be seen the wrong way. And because this has happened before with us, I guess you could say I'm feeling a guilty conscience and want to make sure this is clear. I love him. Very very much. I'm not ashamed of that. Not at all. But the way people in my life treat my relationship with him, hurts. I've had people very close to me put me down for being with him. It's not easy. And the fact that it's not easy makes it even harder for me to show to them how much he means.

He's my world. Even when everything else is going wrong, he can make me laugh and smile. He makes everything seem okay. He makes me incredibly happy. I love this man more than I thought I could love any being on this earth. He gives me so much encouragment to make my life into something. To take chances, to not let life slip by me. He pushes me to be a better person, to develope myself, to become the best person possible. He's always there for me.

I thank God for him every day. He has blessed me with a wonderful man that I never want to be without. I've learned so much from being with Will. Including things about people I love that I'd have rather not known. Like how cruel and how judgmental they can be towards me.

A life with Will isn't at all hard to imagine. I click with him better than I could have thought was possible for me. He knows me inside out. I find that even though we're so very different, that they're differences that I need. I couldn't be with someone just like me. I wouldn't be able to stand it lol He's kept my mind open, rather than closing it. He's kept me spiritual, rather than just religous. He's keeping me like a child, that same curiosity and playfulness, and at the same time, he's helping me grow into the woman I want to be. He lets me be me. And even though I'm not completely sure who I am just yet, he's letting me figure that out on my own. He never condemns my thoughts, he never judges me. Will has never suffocated me, in any way. He does everything he can to make me happy, to feel loved, to feel beautiful, to feel like I'm a good person.

He has no idea how amazing he is either. He doesn't understand how much I need him. That sometimes I wake up and he's all I can think about all day. That I burn things when I cook because I daydream about him lol That I find myself doing dishes and just staring out the window until the water runs cold over my hands and I'm snapped back to reality. That there are times I walk outside and I'm caught in a daydream about him and I end up standing there until I'm freezing in the snow or burning under the sun or drenched in rain or until mom calls me wondering where I've gone. That I've completely lost my mind over him.

He has no idea that everytime I see a couple together, no matter how old they are, or what they're doing, I feel my heart ache because I miss him so much. That every time I see a child with her/his father I think about what a wonderful loving father he'd be. That I sometimes watch the children on my street playing and wonder what ours would look like. Whether they'd have his eyes or my hair, if they'd be quiet or outgoing, if they'd think in numbers like he does so often or if they'd think in poems like I catch myself doing. I wonder if they'll have his smile or my hands... He has no idea that I look forward to every word he says to me. How much I crave to hear his voice and that sometimes I miss it so much I cry.

Maybe I'm afraid to say all this to people that I know think I'm a silly little girl that has no idea which way is up. But I'm not afraid to say it here, where many many more people can read it. I love him. And I can't wait to tell him that again.