When I was little I was skinny. I mean SKINNY. My stomach was solid muscles. I was hyper, I ran a LOT, I had a ton of energy. Then I was put on a steroid for asthma which hugely effected my weight. Below are two pictures. My favorite picture of me when I was seven, and my most hated picture of me at fourteen. Probably the fattest I've ever been. I think in that picture I weighed about 195lbs.





Weight has ALWAYS been an issue with me. It stems from the huge weight gain I had when I was younger (not to mention at an age when most girls get heavier to begin with) and my mother's dysfunction with food, weight, and self image. After all, a girl looks to her mother as how to be a woman. In the picture you see here, although not obvious, my mother weighed over 200lbs. She's 5' tall. She struggled (and I do mean STRUGGLED) with that weight until I was about 11-12 yrs old. Obviously that effected me. I've always had a need to be THIN. I always have been focused on how I look. Not how I feel.


The baby is me, lol What a mess lol

That is until a few years ago. Starting slowly right before I met Will. Meeting him though pushed me from the completely unhealthy focus I had on weight and looks and the need to hide myself, to a much healthier, secure outlook. I don't think he even knows how much his love and unconditional acceptance of me meant. Even thinking about it now I can't help but cry a little. Meeting someone so that loved me so much, not caring how I looked, was the most amazing life changing experience I could have had. And then when he DID seem me, he still loved me.

He taught me to love myself as much as I love others, something I never knew how to do. I learned when I was young that loving yourself, that doing things for yourself, that being focused on yourself in ANY way was a BAD thing. He taught me it was okay. It was good. That it was alright to look in the mirror and think about how great I looked, how great I FELT. To love every inch of my body, to adore my curves, to find at least some things about me beautiful.

So the song you're listening to right now isn't just something I half laugh at lol I think it's a song praising a woman's curves. At least that's how I chose to see it lol I'm happy to looking the mirror and see what I see. I love myself.

I hope that I've given some of that same feeling to Will. I know he has a not so great self image. I think he's gorgeous. I love looking at him. I love how his eyes sparkle, and his face lights up when he laughs, and how you can't help but smile when you see him grinning lol He has an incredible smile that makes my heart jump. He has these beautiful eyes. I know it's odd to call anything about a guy beautiful, but that's exactly the right word. It's so easy for me to just lose myself in his eyes. It's like falling.

I love how his hands fit so perfectly with mine. I love how his arms feel around my waist, and I love playing with his hair. I'm going to be such a girlfriend here and say he has a really hot ass lol He's going to be embarrassed I said that here but oh well lol It's true. I've never even noticed it on other guys (not my thing lol) but I noticed on him lol I love his legs, and his shoulders and his chest, and how great it feels to curl up to him in bed. I love the way his lips feel when he kisses me and how stunning his eyes look that close up. (Yes, we kiss with our eyes open sometimes lol) So, I hope, I really hope, that I've made him feel just an ounce of how he's made me feel. Of how much he's made me love my body.

For the first time in my life, I'm happy being me.