Sunday, December 2

Men, Relationships, Lying (In No Particular Order)

I was just wondering what's the point of lying?

Okay, no, wait, that's not the point I want to make.

What's the point of lying to people you've just met?

Ugh, again, not the point I want to make.

What's the point in not being FULLY HONEST when someone asks you a question in the early stages of a relationship?

He'll know how much you weigh in a year, she'll find out you had hair plugs, it's gonna come out that you were temporarily a lesbian in college that one night when you drank about 5 more beers after your memory blacked out.

What's the POINT? If a person can't like you for stupid screw ups and little embarrassing stories, aren't they NOT worth it?

I am of course, ruling out co-workers, in laws, bosses, and religious leaders. (Call me old fashioned but I don't think the pastor wants to know about when you were a lesbian in college for that one night because you drank enough to have memory blacked out. Just a feeling.)

Why not be honest with a person you're dating? I mean, what IS the point of dating after all? Even if it's not marriage because for some reason the thought of a legal commitment and perhaps losing half your stuff freaks you out, then it's at least for a life long "thingy" isn't it? Again, I'm ruling out the playboys/girls in this. I'm talking about the people that actually consider dating, as only "dating" one person at a time.

Here I was talking to Will about god knows what and boom! It hits me. The reason I CAN be so friggin honest is because we ALWAYS were. We didn't lie about the everyday stupid shit that doesn't matter. We didn't slowly discover we had NO clue who this person was. We started honest and we've stayed that way. With a few reminding bumps along the way, yes, but everyone needs a good kick in the ass sometimes.

Why are WE such an exception? Why are we so RARE?

If you hate his shirt why say you like it? If you think her perfume smells like crap and makes your eyes water, why say it's your favorite?

And I'm not saying "Let's all be rude brutally honest bitches! YEAH!"

Uh no. There's nice ways to say you don't like something. There are GOOD ways to talk about things that are embarrassing. Things don't HAVE to be so uncomfortable and so murky and gray.

What's so hard about saying, "Honey, I know you love your perfume, but it burns my eyes, I might be allergic. Would you mind changing?" Or, "That shirt is okay but I REALLY love when you wear...."

Is that so bad? It's not that horrifically brutal honesty, but it's honest enough. Better than outright lying isn't it?

Of course, Will and I don't DO that. I hate his shirt I tell him so. He changes. He doesn't like my perfume, I wash it off. It's not a big deal in the big picture. Perfume and clothing and what movie you see, they're just THINGS aren't they? Okay so he wants Thai and you want Mexican. Is it so impossible to say, "Okay Thai tonight, but tomorrow we're having Mexican."

I write this from the female perspective because it's easier for me to imagine what I'm saying rather than what he'd say. He's male. Men are a mystery to me simply because they're so uncomplicated. It's insane to think of a human that doesn't experience all human emotion in the period of an hour. ::shiver:: Scary.

Just why fight over everything, why lie about stupid crap, why make every little thing a weekly, if not nightly, drama?

What I think of men (for those of you unfamiliar with my humor, these are [sorta] jokes):

  1. They're going to stare at the girl with the huge boobs, you might as well point it out and make fun of them. I suggest REALLY stuffing your bra next time you're getting ready to go out. Unless you're dating a stiff this is going to at least get a laugh and a "Very funny."
  2. He's going to worry his boat isn't going to float in the ocean, if you get my drift. (Wow lots of nautical terms there.) And pretending it's the Titanic is just fake.
  3. Real is way better than fake. Always.
  4. Most men think fake boobs are pretty to look at but would never want a set of their own. (Meaning on you.) For some reason they don't like playing with water balloons. Weird.
  5. They WILL try and see through you to the game that's on the TV. Crying does not make this better. Trust me. Kneeing him in the crotch however works WONDERS.
  6. Everything you cook is good enough for him to eat, despite the complaining. Another way men are like dogs. They'll eat whatever's in the bowl.
  7. If a girl is pretty to them, that doesn't mean you have to look like her. You're pretty to him too. Stop with the plastic surgery. Like yesterday.
  8. Men's taste in women varies like my taste in music; they can like everything from Bach to Beyonce.
  9. They do need to feel like men. Having them open a jar even when you can open it makes them feel good. I really don't get it but I don't get to open a single jar or bottle while Will's around. It's like having a really high tech opener.
  10. Amazingly enough men have the same emotions as women. I KNOW the hell right? Turns out they just don't have them every five seconds like we do. Amazing. Someone needs to put that in a pill, I could use it once a month.

I can come up with ten for men easy. I'd make a list for women but first off men wouldn't have a clue what I'm talking about, and I can't stay up, I have to leave for work in only 11 hours. Not nearly enough time.

Huh... I think my sarcasm is growing in my old age... lol

1 Comments:

Blogger Lippy said...

Hmm, I am going to have to come back to this one :)

7/12/07 10:20 PM  

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