"Alright so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone.
You're just doing your own thing and some one comes out the blue,
They're like,
'Alright'
What ya saying,
'Yeah can I take your digits?'
And you're like, 'no not in a million years, you're nasty
please leave me alone.'"

Have you ever been in the creepy situation? You know the one I mean, the sleaziest guy/gal in the whole place deciding their most charming move is to hang themselves over your arm/shoulder/waist?

I have. Lots. I hate it. I attract losers like a magnet. I've been addicted to the song "Knock Em Out" by Lily Allen. Because I related. Terrible but I relate.

"Oh yeah, actually yeah I'm pregnant, having a baby in like 6 months so no, yeah, yeah..."

I've actually used this line.

But listening to this song reminds me of the worst moment of my life... when it comes to these specific males that think they're incredible.... and you think they're incredibly gross.

So I shall share with you my most uncomfortable moment ever.

We're, oh yes, this happened with my PARENTS sitting across the table... So, we're sitting in this burger joint, nice place, and the waiter comes up. He seems sweet, very freindly, making jokes, nice waiter. He asks what I want to drink and I do the worst thing possible... I smile politely and give my order.

He comes back with the drinks and we're ready to order burgers. He sits down next to me and gives me this smile. And that's when the little "oh shit" light goes off in my head. He thinks I was hitting on him. Oh dear god. I ordered a soda and now I'm hitting on him. What in god's name doesn't connect in his brain?

I just move a little further over (this is a booth table) and give him my order, and he does one of the most annoying moves a man can make. He smiles, gives me the SHOULDER BUMP, ladies, you know what I'm talking about, it's the cutsie shoulder bump.

He leaves and both my parents stare at me. I glare at dad and say "um you just wanted to sit there?" He finds this all too entertaining and sadly so does my mother.

He comes back gives me THAT smile... That "I'm picturing you naked right now" smile. I barely make eye contact, eat very little of my food (I'm feeling ill at this point) and refuse to smile at this guy again. He's got the very very wrong idea and I just want out of there. I didn't have the guts at the time to actually say anything lol

"Can't knock em out, can't walk away,
Try desperately to think of the politest way to say,
Just get out my face, just leave me alone,
And no you can't have my number,
Because I've lost my phone."

So Mr Bright Eyes cleans off the table comes back with the check and sits next to me.

And then he does it.

The thing we all dread.

He wraps his arm around my shoulder. My eyes bug out and I try and wiggle away, forcing myself to the end of the booth. He won't let go. My parents are just staring. They're so utterly floored they can't even react. I push the guy back, as politely as I can possibly be. He never acknowledged he crossed the line and I was so mortified I couldn't speak. (I was 16, this was before I learned to tell a guy to go have fun all by himself.)

Here's a little background on me you might not be aware of. I hate strangers touching me. I HATE IT. And when I was 16, when this happened, I hated ANYONE touching me. Touch is extremely personal to me, always has been. My little orb of invisible personal space is my shield. It's my haven. He completely crossed that line.

And to this day... I hate going to that burger joint. I still put up a little fight going there.

"Go away now, let me go,
Are you stupid? Or just a little slow?
Go away now I've made myself clear,
Nah it's not gonna happen,
Not in a a million years"

So guys, I know you're all well aware of this, but please tell your male friends, DO NOT TOUCH WOMEN YOU DON'T KNOW! lol

This has been a public service announcement.

Ladies remember:

"Nah I've gotta go cos my house is on fire,
I've got herpes, err no I've got syphilis...
AIDS, AIDS, I've got AIDS!"

(BTW, to listen to "Knock Em Out" by Lily Allen, you can visit her MySpace page, search Lily Allen, or copy and paste: http://www.myspace.com/lilymusic )