Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.


Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


Number 8

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.


Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.


Number 6

Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.


Number 5

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


Number 4

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


Number 3

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?


Number 2

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and People take Prozac to make it normal.


AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT TO PONDER IN 2006:

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.


Here's another bonus thought...

Consider what Willie Nelson said regarding being caught recently with a bag of Marijuana: "It's a good thing I had a bag of Marijuana instead of a bag of spinach. I'd be dead by now."